Bismi Llahir Rahmanir Rahim
by Naielah Ackbarali
Experiencing conflict is normal and healthy in a marriage. However, the way couples fight is not always normal and healthy. Learn how to handle conflict in a way that pleases Allah Most High.
1. Calm Down
The Prophet p.b.u.h. advised believers to seek refuge from the devil (shaytaan) when they are angry. (Bukhari)
Seeking Allah’s protection from the devil’s plot helps you to remember Allah and return to a calm state. You remind yourself that Allah hears and sees what you do. Also, conflict cannot be successfully resolved when your emotions are heightened as it is difficult to process what the other person is saying.
2. Speak Kindly
The Prophet p.b.u.h. said that the Muslim is the one who people are safe from his tongue and hands. (Muslim)
Believers must avoid using profanity, making du’a against each other, or degrading people. The Prophet p.b.u.h. was not foul or vile in his speech. He was kind, thoughtful, and wise. You can only create understanding when you are able to clearly and politely express your needs or concerns.
3. Don’t Ignore
The Prophet p.b.u.h. told the believers to not hate each other or turn their backs on each other. (Bukhari)
Don’t purposely ignore the other person out of spite. The silent treatment is silent torture. It only hurts the situation more because the other person often feels stuck and unaware of how to fix things. The conflict will never end in a good way until you learn how to express your hurt feelings and speak up for what you want in a respectful manner.
4. Stay Positive
The Prophet p.b.u.h. said that believers should not nitpick each other’s faults. If there is something that you do not like, there is another thing that you will like. (Muslim)
It is easy to notice the negative more than the positive. This creates a one-sided view rather than a fair outlook based on all the facts. Remember what you like about the other person especially when speaking to them. It will help you to listen better and have empathy for their side.
5. Give Thanks
The Prophet p.b.u.h. said whoever does not thank the people does not thank Allah. (Tirmidhi)
Even if you are upset, do not forget the good things that the other person has done for you. Balance out the conversation with stating a compliment along with what must change. When you actively appreciate a person’s good qualities, you inspire and motivate them to continue to give back to you with those traits. Also, the other person will not feel criticized.
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